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May 03, 2005

BYJ

やだな、初恋ノーカットDVDで、すこーんといってる。

ちょうど、1年たって、BYJが変えた私を思うの。もちろん、その半年前の「リチャード3世」とちょうどその日に起きていためまいと仕事への怒りあきらめさげすみきりはなし、だから別の方向へスイッチを入れて、自分の幸せを考え初めて、その時に神様がわたしにもたらしてくれたのが、BYJだった。

いつも思うんだ、彼(神さま)はまちがわないな、と。

彼は間違わない。彼は演劇を提案し、映画を見せ、バレエの幸せを与え、そして、準備の出来た私のなかに水滴を落とすようにBYJを落としたのでした。BYJは水面(みなも)で波紋が広がるように、私のなかの隅々にまで静かに広がっていったのでした。彼へ感情が落ちているときはいつも、彼の美しい表情が私の心と連動します。不思議ですよね。彼が演じる人間に心が共鳴してしまう。自分が揺らしているわけではないのに、弦が揺れ始めてゆくような。これはいったい何なんだろう。

彼(BYJ)が演じるキャラクターにいつも恋してしまう。これはいったい何なんだろう。

私の人生の最大の趣味が恋愛であるのなら、その対象がBYJの演じる人なのは、現実問題として幸せなことです。今、生身の人間相手に恋愛をするゆとりは私には皆無だから。彼が演じる人物は私の恋愛の対象としてこれ以上の好条件はない。

彼が演じるとき、そのキャラクターは重すぎず、軽すぎず、自己犠牲は私の疲れた心をそっとわくわくさせる。彼の動きは素早くて、彼の立ち姿は静かで、彼の声は私の心をとろけさせる。彼のつくる世界へ私は静かに落ちてゆく。落下の1秒1秒に幸福を感じながら。

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