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June 17, 2005

藤原竜也・弱法師

はじめて、独占したいと思った夜。自分の中に、そんな感情があったと知った日。

凶暴な餓えの感覚が何なのか、はじめはわからなかった。もう1度みたいと思い、もっと見ていたいと思い、今見たばかりのシーンを物足りなく感じ、すぐにでも彼を目前に見たい、と思う、その感情が何なのか、ずいぶんとたってから、思い知った。彼を独占したかったのだ。俳優のフジワラタツヤを。

自分の中に、誰かを、いや、人間を越えてすべての対象の中で、何かを、独占したいという感情が、生まれるうるのだと、初めて知った日。

幸福な夜になると思っていた日に、彼の舞台が終わって歩きながら感じていたのは、凶暴なひりひりするような餓えだった。彼の「俊徳」の笑みはぞっとするほど魅力的だった。甘い声音はわたしの呼吸を止めてしまった。そして、彼が発する強い刺激はもっと強い刺激を求める覚醒剤のように、感情をひりひりさせていた。

野生の動物がほえるような叫びの、音がまだ耳に残る瞬間に、彼が発する甘いささやき声。
戦火におわれる人々の阿鼻叫喚を、夏の深い森の暑いしんとした呼吸のように、そっと語る声。
それらが、スポットライトを浴びたしなやかな美しい肢体から、つぎからつぎへと、発せられるのだ。
宝石箱から次々に、光が光を追って、溢れ出てくるように。

彼ひとつが詩。ニナガワの演出も、共演者も、演出や共演者として存在させてもらえない。その空間はひとつの演劇の作品としては破綻なのではないか。彼をつぎは誰が使えるのだろう、誰が彼に演じさせられるのだろう。彼自身がぬるい作品には我慢できないように、彼を見るわたしも、ぬるい作品では我慢できないだろう。

やけどをしたようなひりひりした感覚。呼吸が止まる。めまい。もっと強い刺激を求める。興奮。
これは、覚醒剤、です。彼は、おそるべき演者です。ピカソやゴッホと同じ、破壊しながら創造している。彼をすぐにわかる人間は、そう多くはないかもしれないのに、一度とりこになった人間はその味が忘れられない。

麻薬のようなBYJと、覚醒剤のようなタツヤと、今夜はそのどちらで眠りにつこうか。どちらの夢を見て楽しもうか。

弱法師にも、ラマンチャにも、同じセリフがあったね。目に見えている折り合ってゆく日常のほうが狂気でからっぽだと。目が開いて正気だと思っている人々の生きている世界の方が、まやかしで狂気で空っぽだと。彼らには狂気にしか見えない「こちら側の世界」が真実の存在するところなのだと。BYJに会ってわたしもまた、それを知って生きている。

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