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June 18, 2005

ホテリアー 

ひりひりした感情をクールダウンさせるために、ホテリアーを見る。

確かなホンと共演者の中で見るBYJ。彼は作品に要求されているシン・ドンヒョクを完璧に演じている。クールで美しくてかっこよくて、それでいて捨てられた子犬のような哀しい顔をする。

ジニョンの姿を追うドンヒョクのひとみの切ないこと。男の人がこんなに切なく女を見てはいけないよ。
「どうしようもない。もう始まってしまった」
最初にホテリアーを見たときよりも、ずっと私の心が反応している。

自分を捨てた父は「くだらない過去の話」といって、彼を否定する。これは、2度目の親による遺棄です。この場面だけで、ドンヒョクの抱える孤独と傷がえぐりだされる。BYJが演じていなかったら、シン・ドンヒョクというキャラクターはわがままで自分勝手ないやなやつです。それなのに、BYJの演じる彼はいとおしい、哀しい。そしてかわいい。男性を愛おしく思うこの感受性はもう私のものになっている。

細身のスーツを着た体のラインのきれいなこと。
細い顎を少し傾けて薄く笑む口元のきれいなこと。

「ありがとう、ジニョンさん、今日メールにあなたに抱かれたいと書きました」
ドンヒョクを演じているBYJがまるで10代の初々しい少年のように見える。切なさと一つになっているかわいさ。
「かわいい」と感じる感受性がこんなに違う。今風で乱暴な物言いしかしないキムタクを少しもかわいいと感じられない私の感受性が、BYJの表情にかわいいと反応する。

感受性は、わたしたちに降りている神様の先端です。わたしたち人間の意思では動かない。
わたしたちはただ、発見するだけです。神様の感じ手の先端を。

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